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rose_in_winterCharacters: Yuna
Rating: G
Contains: Spoilers
Wordcount: 1933 this chapter, 7249 overall.
Notes: Previous chapters here.
Betas:celeloriel
Summary: Five scenes from a summoner's training at Besaid Temple.
Yuna asked Cid to take them back to Besaid, after Sin. She didn't know what sort of welcome she would get in Bevelle, having just destroyed the foundation of their dominance over Spira, and at least in Besaid she thought they would be too overjoyed to be rid of Sin forever to chastise her for disobeying the temple. She hoped they would be so joyous. If defeating Sin—defeating Yu Yevon—did not bring people happiness, then for what had they all sacrificed?
Cid landed and anchored the airship, and her remaining guardians—her heart caught at the thought, for there were two empty spaces in their group—formed into an honour guard. Lulu and Kimahri set themselves ahead of her, with Wakka and Rikku behind her. For a moment, it was chillingly like the procession from her false wedding—so many falsehoods had made up her life, particularly in these past few months. Rikku whispered, "It's okay, Yunie," and she was reminded that there had been stalwart truths, as well.
The Elder awaited them. She knew he disapproved of the machina in which she had arrived, but his false smile was nearly as good as her own when he stepped forward to greet them. "Welcome, Lady Yuna," he said. "Welcome home." He noted the empty spaces where once more guardians had walked with her, and thankfully did not comment on them.
"Thank you." Fortunately, Yuna thought, she had practice in the art of smiling for the crowd when she wanted nothing more than to curl up in a corner and sob. She had been doing it ever since her father walked away and left her standing on the dock of Bevelle with a nun holding her hand. She made the gesture of prayer more out of habit than faith.
"The celebration is just starting," the Elder said. Yuna nodded, barely trusting herself to speak. "We sang as you asked us, Lady Yuna."
She had to swallow twice before the words could be forced past the lump in her throat. "Your song made it possible for us to truly defeat Sin," she said. "He will never return."
Her guardians knew the double meaning of her words. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Rikku lean forward as though to touch her shoulder, but she drew back. Yuna forced herself not to flinch.
"But how?" the Elder asked.
"You saw Sin fall," Lulu said, almost gently, and gestured to the vast expanse of ocean that shimmered beyond the village. "Lady Yuna stands before you. No other summoner has survived the defeat of Sin. We are certain."
Yuna admired how Lulu made her point without needing to resort either to a lie or to explaining the truth too fully. It was a skill Yuna suspected she would need to master, and soon.
The Elder made a visible effort to regain his composure, and Yuna thought she saw tears glisten in his eyes. She wondered if it was joy at Sin's defeat, or sorrow that a traitor was the one to accomplish it. She knew the latter interpretation was unfair, but her heart felt raw, and she was not much inclined to be fair. "Welcome back to Besaid, Lady Yuna," the Elder said, and bowed to her more deeply than anyone had since she fled her wedding.
Yuna made the gesture of prayer once again, and followed the Elder to the circle outside the temple, where already the party had begun. She could already smell the sting of alcohol as they approached, and one of the island's famous aurochs—the beast, not the blitzball team—was already on a spit over the fire. There was food everywhere, and people laughing and dancing. It reminded her of the night after her father had defeated Sin, though Bevelle's parties had been more refined.
Yuna thought she preferred the simple honesty of Besaid.
Everyone in the village seemed to need to hug her and thank her, and they passed her around like a favoured teddy bear. Some of the older villagers seemed to share the Elder's caution, but many of the others simply believed. She was Lady Yuna, who had been raised and trained here; of course she had defeated Sin. It was a great pity she had broken with the Temple of Yevon, but surely it could be reconciled, now that she had succeeded, or so one of the weavers told her.
Yuna had no such faith.
She smiled until her face hurt, hugged everyone, promised over and over again that Sin would not return. Every time she repeated the words, her heart felt heavier in her chest. She drank water and fruit juice and wine, all of which were pressed into her hands by people eager to celebrate, but none loosened the knot in her chest or eased the soreness of her throat.
At last she found Kimahri, stationed just outside the circle of firelight and watching them all, and she leaned against his warm, furry side. One of his enormous paws rested on her shoulder, and the weight was comforting.
"I'm going to the temple," she told him. "I can't...be here."
"Yuna does what Yuna must," Kimahri rumbled. "Kimahri lets no one disturb Yuna."
"Thank you, Kimahri." She stood on tiptoes and he leaned down so she could kiss his cheek, a gesture not used by Ronso but one he tolerated from her.
She slipped away into the darkness and found her way up to the temple. Even the monks and nuns were celebrating with the island, and the temple was empty. Standing in the center of the temple's great hall, she felt the weight of the stares from the summoners' statues. She went first to the one of her father, and knelt before it. "I did it," she whispered. "I wish you were here to see it, Father. Sin is gone." Her voice caught on a sob, and she made herself stand and make the circuit of the other summoners lest she collapse into a sobbing heap.
Lady Yunalesca, Lord Ohalland, Lord Mi'ihen, Lady Yocun—all of those who had given their lives to the battle against Sin. She paused longest at Lady Yunalesca's statue, searching that proud face for some kind of answer. "I don't know if I can forgive you," she said at last, "but...I suppose you did what you thought best. Did you always think it best? Did you try to find another solution? Or did years alone in Zanarkand of sending summoners to their deaths change you?"
Lady Yunalesca's statue made no answer.
It seemed to be a trend. Maybe there were no answers left.
Yuna walked deeper into the temple, toward the Cloister of Trials. She had been here twice before, and though the mechanics of the temple still worked—the doors and glyphs would not unlock without the proper spheres—the Cloister felt dead. There was no song of the Fayth to guide her to its heart. The power that had encased the Cloister, sunk into the stone and metal over the course of centuries, was gone. When she touched the stone, it felt like any other, dead instead of suffused with magic and the weight of so many summoners' dreams of success. It felt like the fayth statue in Zanarkand, the one that had so horrified her before the battle with Lady Yunalesca.
She stopped in the antechamber, looking at the stone door that blocked her way into the Chamber of the Fayth. There was truly nothing there for her, or for anyone, save a dead and powerless statue. And yet she wanted to go in, to go back to where this had all begun.
She squared her shoulders and laid her hand on the stone, speaking the secret name of Besaid's temple to open it one last time.
Her steps echoed too loudly in the Chamber, something she had never noticed before (but before there had always been the Hymn to cover the small noises that she made.) She made the gesture of prayer to the empty statue, which stared at her with dull and blank eyes. Gone was the voice that had guided her for her entire journey. The winged statue beneath the floor was lifeless stone now, not glowing with the iridescent colours of its feathers.
"You know, of course," Yuna said aloud, "but we did it. We defeated Sin."
Her voice caught on the last word. She made herself keep going. "I didn't want to fight you. You were my first aeon, and I always felt closest to you. It was so hard to summon you that last time—but I knew you'd be disappointed in me if I didn't." She knelt in front of the statue, and laid her hand on its plinth. "I'm so sorry."
She didn't realize she was crying until the statue blurred in her vision, and then she couldn't stop. She curled up in a tiny knot at its feet, arms wrapped around her knees, and let the sobs come. Every breath felt raw, every sob shaking her until she ached all over from the pull of her muscles. There was no one here to comfort her, and somehow that felt right. Her guardians had carried her through her entire pilgrimage, but there were some things she had to do on her own.
She wasn't sure how long she stayed there, weeping and telling broken fragments of her memories to the statue, but at last her sobs eased, and she dried her eyes with her sleeves. Her head ached horribly, and though it felt a little unfair, she eased it with Cure.
None of the dead would have wanted her to suffer for them. At least none of the ones she had danced for on the deck of the Celsius.
"I don't know what to do now," she said to the statue, and her voice was a raw croak after all her tears.
The statue said nothing.
There were no more easy answers. She—all of Spira, even—would have to look past Yevon now, look for new ways to live.
"But we must never forget them," she murmured. "Not the people we've lost, or the dreams that have—" One more sob snuck out, but she made herself keep going. "The dreams that have faded."
She dragged herself to her feet, wincing at the pain in her knees from being pressed into the stone floor, and made her way unevenly to the door.
Lulu was waiting for her, as she should have expected.
She drew herself up defiantly. "Are you going to tell me no tears?" she asked, though her voice cracked.
"No," Lulu said, and reached forward to hug her. Yuna leaned against her, realizing as she did so that Lulu's eyes were reddened as well.
"Does it get easier?" she asked.
"It takes time," Lulu said quietly against her hair, and held her tight. "Eventually, it gets easier."
"Okay." Yuna leaned against her a moment longer. She had lost a great deal, but she hadn't lost everything. She still had many of her friends. It was important to remember that, to keep her faith in the things they had accomplished.
"Come on," Lulu said gently. "I think you could use a rest."
They left the temple, and the empty Chamber of the Fayth, behind. Valefor was no longer in her soul, but as she walked through the streets of the village where she'd grown up, Yuna saw hints of her journey everywhere.
She would make tomorrow a better day, for all of Spira.
Rating: G
Contains: Spoilers
Wordcount: 1933 this chapter, 7249 overall.
Notes: Previous chapters here.
Betas:
celelorielSummary: Five scenes from a summoner's training at Besaid Temple.
Yuna asked Cid to take them back to Besaid, after Sin. She didn't know what sort of welcome she would get in Bevelle, having just destroyed the foundation of their dominance over Spira, and at least in Besaid she thought they would be too overjoyed to be rid of Sin forever to chastise her for disobeying the temple. She hoped they would be so joyous. If defeating Sin—defeating Yu Yevon—did not bring people happiness, then for what had they all sacrificed?
Cid landed and anchored the airship, and her remaining guardians—her heart caught at the thought, for there were two empty spaces in their group—formed into an honour guard. Lulu and Kimahri set themselves ahead of her, with Wakka and Rikku behind her. For a moment, it was chillingly like the procession from her false wedding—so many falsehoods had made up her life, particularly in these past few months. Rikku whispered, "It's okay, Yunie," and she was reminded that there had been stalwart truths, as well.
The Elder awaited them. She knew he disapproved of the machina in which she had arrived, but his false smile was nearly as good as her own when he stepped forward to greet them. "Welcome, Lady Yuna," he said. "Welcome home." He noted the empty spaces where once more guardians had walked with her, and thankfully did not comment on them.
"Thank you." Fortunately, Yuna thought, she had practice in the art of smiling for the crowd when she wanted nothing more than to curl up in a corner and sob. She had been doing it ever since her father walked away and left her standing on the dock of Bevelle with a nun holding her hand. She made the gesture of prayer more out of habit than faith.
"The celebration is just starting," the Elder said. Yuna nodded, barely trusting herself to speak. "We sang as you asked us, Lady Yuna."
She had to swallow twice before the words could be forced past the lump in her throat. "Your song made it possible for us to truly defeat Sin," she said. "He will never return."
Her guardians knew the double meaning of her words. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Rikku lean forward as though to touch her shoulder, but she drew back. Yuna forced herself not to flinch.
"But how?" the Elder asked.
"You saw Sin fall," Lulu said, almost gently, and gestured to the vast expanse of ocean that shimmered beyond the village. "Lady Yuna stands before you. No other summoner has survived the defeat of Sin. We are certain."
Yuna admired how Lulu made her point without needing to resort either to a lie or to explaining the truth too fully. It was a skill Yuna suspected she would need to master, and soon.
The Elder made a visible effort to regain his composure, and Yuna thought she saw tears glisten in his eyes. She wondered if it was joy at Sin's defeat, or sorrow that a traitor was the one to accomplish it. She knew the latter interpretation was unfair, but her heart felt raw, and she was not much inclined to be fair. "Welcome back to Besaid, Lady Yuna," the Elder said, and bowed to her more deeply than anyone had since she fled her wedding.
Yuna made the gesture of prayer once again, and followed the Elder to the circle outside the temple, where already the party had begun. She could already smell the sting of alcohol as they approached, and one of the island's famous aurochs—the beast, not the blitzball team—was already on a spit over the fire. There was food everywhere, and people laughing and dancing. It reminded her of the night after her father had defeated Sin, though Bevelle's parties had been more refined.
Yuna thought she preferred the simple honesty of Besaid.
Everyone in the village seemed to need to hug her and thank her, and they passed her around like a favoured teddy bear. Some of the older villagers seemed to share the Elder's caution, but many of the others simply believed. She was Lady Yuna, who had been raised and trained here; of course she had defeated Sin. It was a great pity she had broken with the Temple of Yevon, but surely it could be reconciled, now that she had succeeded, or so one of the weavers told her.
Yuna had no such faith.
She smiled until her face hurt, hugged everyone, promised over and over again that Sin would not return. Every time she repeated the words, her heart felt heavier in her chest. She drank water and fruit juice and wine, all of which were pressed into her hands by people eager to celebrate, but none loosened the knot in her chest or eased the soreness of her throat.
At last she found Kimahri, stationed just outside the circle of firelight and watching them all, and she leaned against his warm, furry side. One of his enormous paws rested on her shoulder, and the weight was comforting.
"I'm going to the temple," she told him. "I can't...be here."
"Yuna does what Yuna must," Kimahri rumbled. "Kimahri lets no one disturb Yuna."
"Thank you, Kimahri." She stood on tiptoes and he leaned down so she could kiss his cheek, a gesture not used by Ronso but one he tolerated from her.
She slipped away into the darkness and found her way up to the temple. Even the monks and nuns were celebrating with the island, and the temple was empty. Standing in the center of the temple's great hall, she felt the weight of the stares from the summoners' statues. She went first to the one of her father, and knelt before it. "I did it," she whispered. "I wish you were here to see it, Father. Sin is gone." Her voice caught on a sob, and she made herself stand and make the circuit of the other summoners lest she collapse into a sobbing heap.
Lady Yunalesca, Lord Ohalland, Lord Mi'ihen, Lady Yocun—all of those who had given their lives to the battle against Sin. She paused longest at Lady Yunalesca's statue, searching that proud face for some kind of answer. "I don't know if I can forgive you," she said at last, "but...I suppose you did what you thought best. Did you always think it best? Did you try to find another solution? Or did years alone in Zanarkand of sending summoners to their deaths change you?"
Lady Yunalesca's statue made no answer.
It seemed to be a trend. Maybe there were no answers left.
Yuna walked deeper into the temple, toward the Cloister of Trials. She had been here twice before, and though the mechanics of the temple still worked—the doors and glyphs would not unlock without the proper spheres—the Cloister felt dead. There was no song of the Fayth to guide her to its heart. The power that had encased the Cloister, sunk into the stone and metal over the course of centuries, was gone. When she touched the stone, it felt like any other, dead instead of suffused with magic and the weight of so many summoners' dreams of success. It felt like the fayth statue in Zanarkand, the one that had so horrified her before the battle with Lady Yunalesca.
She stopped in the antechamber, looking at the stone door that blocked her way into the Chamber of the Fayth. There was truly nothing there for her, or for anyone, save a dead and powerless statue. And yet she wanted to go in, to go back to where this had all begun.
She squared her shoulders and laid her hand on the stone, speaking the secret name of Besaid's temple to open it one last time.
Her steps echoed too loudly in the Chamber, something she had never noticed before (but before there had always been the Hymn to cover the small noises that she made.) She made the gesture of prayer to the empty statue, which stared at her with dull and blank eyes. Gone was the voice that had guided her for her entire journey. The winged statue beneath the floor was lifeless stone now, not glowing with the iridescent colours of its feathers.
"You know, of course," Yuna said aloud, "but we did it. We defeated Sin."
Her voice caught on the last word. She made herself keep going. "I didn't want to fight you. You were my first aeon, and I always felt closest to you. It was so hard to summon you that last time—but I knew you'd be disappointed in me if I didn't." She knelt in front of the statue, and laid her hand on its plinth. "I'm so sorry."
She didn't realize she was crying until the statue blurred in her vision, and then she couldn't stop. She curled up in a tiny knot at its feet, arms wrapped around her knees, and let the sobs come. Every breath felt raw, every sob shaking her until she ached all over from the pull of her muscles. There was no one here to comfort her, and somehow that felt right. Her guardians had carried her through her entire pilgrimage, but there were some things she had to do on her own.
She wasn't sure how long she stayed there, weeping and telling broken fragments of her memories to the statue, but at last her sobs eased, and she dried her eyes with her sleeves. Her head ached horribly, and though it felt a little unfair, she eased it with Cure.
None of the dead would have wanted her to suffer for them. At least none of the ones she had danced for on the deck of the Celsius.
"I don't know what to do now," she said to the statue, and her voice was a raw croak after all her tears.
The statue said nothing.
There were no more easy answers. She—all of Spira, even—would have to look past Yevon now, look for new ways to live.
"But we must never forget them," she murmured. "Not the people we've lost, or the dreams that have—" One more sob snuck out, but she made herself keep going. "The dreams that have faded."
She dragged herself to her feet, wincing at the pain in her knees from being pressed into the stone floor, and made her way unevenly to the door.
Lulu was waiting for her, as she should have expected.
She drew herself up defiantly. "Are you going to tell me no tears?" she asked, though her voice cracked.
"No," Lulu said, and reached forward to hug her. Yuna leaned against her, realizing as she did so that Lulu's eyes were reddened as well.
"Does it get easier?" she asked.
"It takes time," Lulu said quietly against her hair, and held her tight. "Eventually, it gets easier."
"Okay." Yuna leaned against her a moment longer. She had lost a great deal, but she hadn't lost everything. She still had many of her friends. It was important to remember that, to keep her faith in the things they had accomplished.
"Come on," Lulu said gently. "I think you could use a rest."
They left the temple, and the empty Chamber of the Fayth, behind. Valefor was no longer in her soul, but as she walked through the streets of the village where she'd grown up, Yuna saw hints of her journey everywhere.
She would make tomorrow a better day, for all of Spira.